What Counts as a Real Apology?

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

When I hear people say sorry, it always sounds like something they say to be over with. Whatever the issue is, they just want it over so we can move forward. However, you're not really moving forward if you don't apologize effectively. When I was younger, I used to be that person who could not admit I was wrong. I had a lot of pride. I thought everything I had to say should be said regardless if it hurt someone's feelings. I also felt that I was right, and everyone else was wrong. And if they didn't think like me, then they should, because HA, I'm always right.

I have matured a lot since then. I now take responsibility for my actions without having to put the blame on others. Whenever I feel like something was done to me where I think I'm owed an apology, I reevaluate the situation to believe what I did and why I am upset by the incident. It takes active communication to get past a big row or even little ones that require an apology. But some people don't know how to apologize effectively.

Anyone who apologizes with any version of, "I'm sorry you felt like I..." then that is NOT a genuine apology, and you should probably tell them that you don't accept it. When you apologize, you're supposed to acknowledge what you did wrong, recognize the issue at hand, and take the actual steps to fix it. If that person is actually sorry, they won't mind having that conversation and asking what they can do to ease the tension.

What happens if the person who wronged you refuses to apologize authentically? Then you have an option of cutting them out of your life entirely, or you can tell them you will give them space to recognize their transgressions. Once they are ready to admit them, you guys can work on reconcilement. But if they never admit to doing anything wrong, well....you know where you stand. It's always hard to lose someone over their lack of taking responsibility for themselves. Hopefully, they will grow in character and become people who recognize wrong and apologize for it. But I want to clarify that you don't have to accept any apology given, even if it sounds like they are actually sorry.

Forgiveness is a privilege, and some issues can't be resolved with time and space. I still think it's essential for that person to apologize if they have wronged someone, but It's definitely not necessary to continue having a relationship with them if you do not wish to. What are your thoughts on the subject? Leave a comment down below, or let me know what you think on Twitter.

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