26 Lessons About Love

Love is defined as an intense feeling of deep affection. Or as a great interest and pleasure in something. 

Love is one of the most extraordinary words of all time. It is complicated and confusing. Love can be platonic or romantic. Love is such an intense feeling that thousands of writers have made careers out of trying to describe its significance. It’s so significant that thousands of singers, filmmakers, and artists have spent their lives trying to express it. We define it every day.

I have been on this earth for 26 years, and I have taken time to reflect on everything I have learned about myself and others. You experience love from such a young age. If you are lucky, that love starts from the moment you are born. If not, perhaps you find it from someone you grew up with, such as a friend or sibling.

I decided to ask several people the following question:

If you could give yourself one piece of love advice, what would it be and why?

I took their answers and decided to create this post. I want to provide you 26 lessons about love. Maybe you haven’t admitted it to yourself yet. Or perhaps you are one of those people looking for guidance from someone older than you. Or perhaps you’re lost on the concept of love altogether. Regardless, I want to share these 26 lessons about love with you. 

1. Take the time to get to know and love yourself. When you understand what you want and that you are a human being with quirks, strengths, and flaws, you can accept someone else for who they are. You can decide whether or not they will fulfill your needs. There’s this misconception that love should be perfect, and the person you’re with has to be this superhuman that can do no wrong. You can break that notion when you understand yourself and build a healthy relationship with your partner.

2. Ask questions. Always trust your gut. You don’t deserve to be in a relationship that makes you feel unsafe. Don’t allow your partner to discredit your feelings. They are valid.

3. Don’t lose sight of what is important to you in a relationship. They require sacrifice and compromise. However, there are things that you should not be expected to sacrifice. Know what that is for you and stand by it. Check-in with yourself to make sure the relationship is serving you. Are you growing together? Do you complement each other? Are you moving in the right direction? Are you growing as an individual? Don’t become so closed off to the point where it’s only about you. Still, never lose sight of yourself.

4. Set boundaries. Don’t be scared to speak up, even if you think your partner will leave.

5. Know that if a man really wanted you, he would chase you. If you are not necessary to him, then he won’t be worried about you walking away.

6. Cater to each other’s love language. Everyone feels and expresses love differently. Learn what makes your partner feel love and do it often. Your relationship should constantly be evolving into something better so that neither of you feels neglected.

7. Tell your friends you love them. Even if they are your friends who identify as men. Say it often. People worry too much about finding love romantically that they neglect the importance of platonic love.

8. You don’t need a relationship to prove you are worthy of love. Love yourself first.

9. A real man doesn’t care about your body count or if you sleep with them on the first date. All they care about is that you are interested in them. Genuinely interested. Ask your partner questions. This goes for both sides. Engage with your partner and spend less time on your phone when you are around each other.

10. Be Patient. Timing is everything. Trust the process and be true to yourself. The one who radiates the same energy as you will come.

11. Pick your battles. Know which ones are worth fighting over and which ones aren’t. Be open and communicate with each other. You need to say what you feel, but you also need to make sure you convey your emotions in a way that doesn’t demean your partner. Watch your tone. It’s not what you say, but it’s how you say it.

12. Never sacrifice yourself for someone else. It doesn’t matter who it is. It can be your life partner or your child. (I mean, if they are in danger and it’s your life or there’s obviously you are going to save them). What I mean is never give up on loving yourself. Love yourself as much, if not more, than you love your child. Or your partner. Don’t lose yourself in them. Don’t let them consume you to the point where you don’t even have an identity anymore.

13. Listen when your partner is speaking. There is nothing more annoying than someone purposefully disregarding your feelings to the point where they don’t even bother to hear you.

14. If you don’t love yourself, you can’t expect someone else to put that energy out for you.

15. I have found that it’s not helpful to have a crush. When you have a crush, you put them on this pedestal and create this idealized version of them that is perfect for you. But this person is a human being. They aren’t a trophy. If you like someone, then tell them. If they don’t feel the same way move on. You can move past a crush so quickly by just figuring out that this is a real person. You deserve to move on, and they deserve to not be treated as an object.

16. Your partner should be political. Love is political. People have fought to marry those they love and have died for it. People who love each other have been separated by wars, oceans, and even death. If your partner does not understand your ethnic and cultural makeup, they are not for you.

17. If you don’t love her, let her go.

18. It’s easy to love someone who doesn’t deserve your love. No matter what, you can’t help loving them even though they have done so much to hurt you. Be careful about this because it can strain you mentally.

19. Don’t enter a relationship thinking that it’s going to fix you. Your partner is not your therapist. Yes, you should support each other, but having the weight of someone else’s mental health on your shoulders isn’t fair. If you are mentally unstable, then you should be single and work on that first. Speaking from experience, you can save a lot of heartaches that way.

20. I know that you are here, and right now, this love seems like the only thing good you will ever experience in your life. Let me tell you, honey, there’s so much more. I promise.

21. Never go to bed mad at each other. Sometimes, tomorrow never comes. Resolve your issues at the moment, don’t let it fester. You don’t want to have regrets about things you didn’t get to say.

22. Losing a friend is awful, but having a friend who constantly strains you mentally is even worse. Evaluate your friendships and dictate if they are serving you in some way. I don’t mean a give-and-take kind of service, but it should not be one-sided. If this struggle is coming from their own battles with mental health, then that’s different. That is something you can decide if you can stick around for. Never promise to be there for someone if you can’t stick to your commitment.

23. Be emotionally available for your partner. If you find that your partner is asking many questions about your feelings, then there might be a chance that they aren’t feeling secure in the relationship. Don’t automatically assume that they are just insecure. Think about you. What have you been doing? How have you been expressing love towards your partner? What haven’t you been doing? What can you do to make them feel more secure?

24. Love isn’t unique. You will not fall in love once. Don’t feel like you’ve lost your chance because it didn’t work out the first, second, third, or even fourth time around. Love is infinite.

25. Take your time, and be patient. Both with yourself and your partner. Tend to your relationship like you would a garden. There are things you'll learn about one another and yourself throughout a relationship. Neither of you are perfect. If you find something that bothers you, communicate it clearly. And once you have shared, be patient; things won't change in a day. If it's you that needs to do some work, give yourself grace. Take your time. Give yourself and your partner grace.

26. When you really know yourself, you can fight for the things you want and deserve. This can be in relationships or even friendships. When you are sure of who you are, then no one can tell you otherwise. It allows you to not be emotionally manipulated by someone into acting out of character. Watch out for people who try to emotionally manipulate you. This can look like gaslighting, passive aggression, or even using fear to control you. Please be careful of people like that. They are toxic and not worth your time or energy. You deserve better. Please know that you do. This person isn’t the only person who will ever love you, and they won’t be the last.

The lessons we have learned about love have been painful and have felt like the most excruciating thing in the world. But the most crucial part is that we get through them. Whether you have lost love or felt like you will never find one, I hope this post helped you. I want to thank all the participants who helped me with this post. I got a  boatload of advice and lessons from family, friends, and strangers. I especially want to thank all the ones who broke my heart or have yet to. I would not be who I am without you.

“To truly love, we must learn to mix various ingredients - care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication.” -bell hooks.