How do people even date in college?

It's a valid question. We are here in an environment surrounded by others who could be potential mates if only we knew how to start. So my friend made a video about it, which you can check out below:

[youtube=://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odpnRoFzWy8&w=854&h=480]

So how do people do it? How do they date in college?

As listed in the video, people advise things like:

• Join a group where you can meet people of similar interests

• Be confident, and ask someone out straight

• Download a dating app, and try to meet someone that way

I've heard all this too, my friends, and quite honestly, that advice is so-so (no offense to those who've offered it), but it is. Almost everyone I know who has a boyfriend in college has their boyfriend because a friend hooked them up. They met through mutual friends and hit it off at a gathering, party, or event of some sort. Now they are no longer celebrating #SingleAwarenessDay every 14th of February. 

So what advice can a single girl like me offer? I am notorious at getting two people together but can't seem to spark the same magic for myself. I'm not worried or anything; I have potatoes. They keep me full. They don't hurt my feelings, and we can pick on each other without breaking one another. It's great!

On a serious note, if we (single people) want to meet someone, we have first to decide what we want and what we are looking for. To do that, we have to know what we want and what we are looking for. Obviously (or at least hopefully), if you're looking for a relationship, you want something serious and long-term. You're not looking for something casual; you are looking for a mate. Peanut butter to your jelly. An apple to your pie sort of thing. But instead of looking for someone to complete you, you should be looking for someone who adds to you because a jelly sandwich is good all by itself.

What do I want in a partner? What goals should they have? Is it important we are on the same page politically? Education-wise? Mentality? What are my preferences? Are they more important than everything else I'm looking for? Or am I flexible? 

As a 21-year-old person, I'm indecisive about many things, but what I want in a partner is not one of them. I know what to look for in another person in any relationship I choose to pursue, not just romantically but in friendly relationships as well. I'm willing to compromise on some things, but political views are not one of them. My partner and I should be on the same page; otherwise, we are not a match. And he is not my potato. 

So after you've decided what you want, you need to search for that. Understand that your preferences may limit you and that if you are serious about them, waiting will be worth it. Otherwise, a compromise could be a good thing. Limitations mean you might miss out on other opportunities. 

So let's say you see someone you're attracted to at a party, event, or gathering. If you need liquid courage, take a shot (know your limit, of course), strut over to them, and start a conversation. If they aren't willing to converse with you, you know they are NOT interested. So you move on. Yes, it hurts to be rejected, but that's part of life. Rejection is not a failure. *Aaliyah voice* "So dust yourself off, and try again!"If they are willing to converse with you, then BOOM!

You are one step closer to getting a bae. Let them know early on that you are interested in them. Ask if they have a girlfriend, what they like to do, and if they've traveled anywhere. The conversation should be interesting. Skip the small talk, and get to the good stuff. First impressions are everything, and if your conversation is heading south, it could mean that it wasn't meant to be. Or you're too shy (nothing wrong with that!).

Well, what if I can't talk to them, Bri?! 

Chill, I'm getting there. So liquid courage won't help, or you know you get cray and don't want to embarrass yourself. That's all good. Make eye contact. Stare at them until they catch you, and then look away from a little too late on purpose. Smile. And do it again. This lets your potential bae know that they caught your eye, and you wanna talk to them. If they are confident, they will come to you, and the rules about a conversation we just went over still apply here, okay? If they are a bit shy, but they are looking and smiling too, one of you has to make the first move. So who's it going to be? 

"Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." -Babe Ruth.

So let's say you don't want to do any of the things I've suggested, then get your BFF, and have them help you out. As I said, most of the people I know in relationships are in them because someone hooked them up. Let's say you're not a party, gathering, or event. You are at a coffee shop (hopefully not Starbucks, come on, explore a little, will you?), and someone makes your heart skip a beat....or they are just beautiful. In a coffee shop, it could be easy if you're confident. But for those who are maybe a little more shy than outgoing, I may have something for you to try. If the person you like is in line with you, find something to compliment. (Don't compliment their looks...while I love a "you're pretty," I am more flattered by the "Wow, I love that book, you must be brilliant" kind of thing). 

If you hear their order offer to pay for their drink (depending on how you do it and who the person is, this could be kind of creepy), or start a conversation like, "I've never tried that before, how does it taste?" That's a great conversation starter. Of course, this scenario could apply anywhere you are game store, mall, restaurant....bar.My point is in college; we are all going through the same thing. We are all studying hard and trying to make something out of the thousand-dollar debt we will be paying back for the rest of our lives. *No, not bitter at all*In college, it's going to be less creepy to come up to someone and randomly talk to them because people do it to make friends. So you could say that the pressure is a tad bit lighter. Also, you have friends who hang out with other people. Another way to meet someone you can be in a relationship with is to have your friend set you up. Which has worked for a lot of people I know. And the same conversation rules apply there too, but don't worry, maybe I'll talk about skipping the small talk in a separate post. 

Did you forget what I said already? *sigh* No worries,. Maybe I've listed the steps again!

Steps:

1. Establish what you want

2. Establish what you're looking for Search, and understand your limitations 

3. Start a conversation Good vibes= potential bae or friend Bad vibes= walk away, dust yourself off, and try again 

4. Bae (if you've reached this stage, you now have a bae....so consider yourself lucky)

Remember, there's nothing wrong with being single, and there's nothing wrong with wanting a relationship either. As long as you know you're ready, then stop reading and start searching. Your potato is waiting for you! ;)

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