When I was younger, I used to be a very uptight, conservative person. Honestly, it was to the point where it was getting ridiculous. I felt uncomfortable in a swimsuit, especially a two-piece swimsuit. Part of that uneasiness was due to rape culture and the constant warnings from every man and woman in my life telling me that if I dressed a certain way, I could avoid being sexually harassed or assaulted.

The other part of that uneasiness stemmed from insecurities and unobtainable representations of what a beautiful woman looks like. If you were to ask me, those issues work together hand in hand to ensure that young girls all over the world shame themselves for having breasts, vaginas, long eyelashes, and pretty faces alike. And it shames young trans girls, who don't have the privilege to have the autonomy of a girl, be and dress a sure way to obtain that acknowledgment and not be misgendered.

While I can't speak for every woman on the planet, I can speak for myself when I say body image is a real issue even today. When I was in my early teens, I wore oversized t-shirts because I was convinced that I wouldn't get catcalled if they couldn't see my breasts, which were practically nonexistent and didn't stop it from happening. For a while, I thought I wasn't skinny enough. I constantly felt pressured not to get fat because fat did not equate to beauty in the minds of society. And today, there is pressure to be curvy because skinny does not equate to beautiful enough.

In the black community, thickness is seen as something to be desired by men and women. Thanks to the patriarchy, women are constantly being bombarded with pressure to change themselves to attract a partner. However, there is a catch. If you are too big, you are undesirable, but if you're too small, you don't exactly fit the top of the list of some of the most beautiful women. And if we were to broaden this conversation to skin color, this post would be too long.

So how did you become more confident, Bri? 

I stopped wearing a bra. I know it sounds weird, and it may not work for everyone, but it worked for me. I have small breasts, and though I am not skinny, I am not necessarily thick either. I stopped letting the actions of men define how I dressed. For a long time every morning, I would get up and say, "what can I wear that won't draw attention myself, but can still make me look decent?"

I still wanted to look good to attract a partner, but I didn't want to stand out to give them the wrong idea. Nearly everyone around me disgustingly misconstrued my concept of body image. Being in college, getting educated about sexuality, and embracing every aspect of being a woman helped me stop wearing bras.

The first time I decided not to wear a bra, I felt very self-conscious. I was afraid that everyone was staring at my breasts instead of at me. It reminded me of when I decided to finally wear shorts instead of battling the hot summer days in jeans. Women and young girls’ bodies are so sexualized that it weighs heavily on how we view ourselves. Everyone gets a say on what goes on with our bodies except for the person who owns that body. It was highly daunting, and slowly but surely, I grew out of considering other people's feelings when it came to what I did or didn't wear.

I'm not saying bras don't give certain people confidence; it’s just that, in my case, they are an unnecessary nuance. Gaining this confidence in my body has been an uphill battle. This is especially true when some continuously try to push their patriarchal views of what a woman should wear. I have had people tell me that the way a woman dress reflects her self-respect, highlighting that if a woman dresses or poses in a sexy way, she seeks attention from the male gaze and doesn't respect herself.

In reality, a woman who respects herself dresses however she wants and supports other women's choices to do so. One day the underlying notions of this kind of slut-shaming will end, and we will be able to be braless or not, wear mini skirts or not, pose sensually in a bathing suit or not, without being told we don't respect ourselves.

This isn't to say that I don't wear a bra when an outfit calls for it, like a push-up bra to make the girls pop. And it isn't to say that I no longer wear bralettes because I do. But I no longer look in the mirror and point out all of the parts I hate. Instead, I praise the features I do like and work on the parts I don't. Whether that be working out, complimenting myself in the mirror, or eating healthier. I no longer see my body as an object for men to obtain. Instead, I see my body as someone valuable who can wear a bodycon dress or sweatpants and still look insanely attractive.

I can be sexy for myself and tell all those who try to slut-shame me for it to f*CK off. I have come a long way from being that little girl that would stare in the mirror and tell herself she wasn't good enough. I now say to that woman that she is everything, intelligent, capable, and beautiful in the mirror.

Not only is this confidence vital for myself, but for all my siblings that look up to me too. I wanted my little sisters to see me loving myself, owning my sexuality, and realize there's nothing wrong with doing the same. They don't have to let society and all the judgments passed down from generation to generation define how they should value themselves. I encourage you to find that thing that makes you look at yourself differently.

For me, it was strutting proudly through air-conditioned buildings, with my nipples saying hello to everyone, just for me to get that I am unique. And you are too.

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